As a father and single parent, I have never had a connection with Father’s Day and really never understood why until this past year. Father’s Day, like many other things in our society, has become commercialized and most families have lost the true essence of that day. I came to a realization early on that being a father is a gift, one that should be enjoyed every day and in all ways.
A day as a father means playing many roles:
- an educator
- a mentor
- a therapist
- a disciplinarian
- a tutor
- a mediator
- a friend
- a confidant
- a doctor
- a coach
- a motivational speaker
- a spectator
- a spiritual leader
- a good listener
- and always provide hope when all else seems to have been lost
There are times when my children express anger and hatred for certain decisions I make, but later they confess that they love me for doing the right thing. They have even expressed their gratitude towards me for being there for them in their time of need and for not being there for the times they needed their space. The list goes on and on, but each role brought me a strong sense of satisfaction, as a father and friend.
There are many hats we wear as parents, some more difficult than others. The gratification of our efforts come in the form of the results of our actions with our children. A good teacher always learns from his students and none could be greater than those lessons taught by our children and so, I share with you the events that unfolded this past Father’s Day.
It was early Sunday morning and I was awoken by my sons, who showered me with hugs and kisses. They proceeded to nudge me over to the center of the bed and positioned themselves on my left and right sides, as they usually do on the weekends. They were both in their usual cheerful moods, energized spirits and ready-to-go attitudes as they smiled and simultaneously called out, ”good morning dad”. I replied “good morning gentlemen…” and then asked if they knew what day it was? “It’s Sunday!” my older son stated with a grin, “why do you ask dad?” It appeared to me that my boys had forgotten that it was Father’s Day and before I could say another word, they both said, “Every day is Father’s Day, that is what you always tell us, so why should this day be any different.”
They jumped out of bed, ran out of the room, only to return moments later with cards they had made for Father’s day. They had crafted their own Father’s Day cards of which they were so proud to read and present to me as a life long memory and keep sake. They insisted I remain in bed while they prepared a special Father’s Day breakfast for me. It was toast with cream cheese, a bowl of cereal and a hot cup of tea (a five star dish in my book). They set up a beautiful place setting on the dining room table and called for my presence. We sat together and enjoyed a wonderful meal together. You see, what they did that morning, was no different to what they do on a regular basis. What I found most pleasing was the fact that they chose to give me what no television commercial could ever sell… They chose to give of themselves. That is the true essence of Father’s Day, an unselfish and personal demonstration of appreciation from our children.
It was right there and then that I realized that my children understood the true meaning of Father’s Day and at the same time, I understood my disconnect with the commercialized version of Father’s Day. The day continued in the same spirit as it began and ended on a high note of bliss.
The pleasures of fatherhood are distinctly unique, while every moment may not always be as sweet, the blossoming of our children into independent beings is a testament to our tireless efforts.
It is truly a blessed gift to be able to experience all that life has to offer with my children, and so I have learned that every day is Father’s Day.
A friend and colleague of mine had recently shared with me one of his many fond memories with his grandchildren. As he began to describe a particular day at the park with his grandson, he proudly pointed to a 5×7 photo that was prominently displayed in his office. His demeanor completely shifted to a blissful state as he began to reminisce over the events of that day. As a father, I was able to relate to his feelings and sentiments towards his grandson only as a father would towards his own son in a similar situation, but the truth is, I could only imagine what he might have been feeling towards his grandson.
At that moment, I recalled an incident that transpired many years’ back, during my early teen years over a conversation with my father regarding fatherhood and the love a parent has for their children. While, I do not recall the entire conversation, I do vividly remember his reaction when I had stated to him, “I love you the same way you love me”. He quickly explained that a parent’s affection for their children is unique and could only be understood when I would one day have a family of my own.
Well, suffice to say a few months after my first child was born, I finally realized what my father had meant years before. The subsequent bond that had developed between my son and I gave birth to a slew of feelings that had never existed before his arrival. A time shortly thereafter, I confronted my father and reminded him of our discussion regarding a father’s feelings for his children. Surprisingly, a funny thing happened next, as he held my son (his grandson) in his arms, he leaned over and kissed him, then looked me straight in the eyes and said with a smile, “there is still one more pleasure in life which you have not yet experienced. One greater than my love for you, one greater than your love for your children… It’s our grandchildren”.
He went on to explain that “we as human beings are separated from everything else in the food chain of life by virtue of our higher intellect, but more importantly, we are also the only species on this planet that forge a unique bond with our grandchildren”.
The picture that my colleague shared with me had ignited distant memories that produced an amplified realization of the greater things hopefully still to come in my life. As I stood there watching and listening to my friend tell his story, I could not help but notice the myriad of expressions on his face that revealed a strong sense of admiration and pride for his grandson, one far greater than a father’s toward his son.
For now, I can only share my experiences with those around me through the eyes of a father who clearly understands the value of waiting patiently for the day his grandchildren finally arrive.
It is on that day, I am certain that my father’s words will be remembered anew.
One of the ways that we grow as a family and as individuals is through meaningful discussion and debate. In our home, we routinely engage in discussions encompassing every subject under the sun, but what makes it more interesting is when a passionate subject or intriguing question rapidly evolves into the focal point of a heated debate. This is where, we as parents have an ideal opportunity to help our children improve their most needed skills for effective communications by encouraging discussion without insult or personal attacks. It is a means to helping them understand that we can respect one another even though we may dramatically differ in opinion or belief. The key is to encourage our children to respectfully engage in open discussions while understanding that it is acceptable to disagree, whereby discussion and debate are a means to conveying ones point of view in an effort to convincing the other of the same or perhaps an attempt to seeking clarification over a misunderstanding. In any event, it is equally important to understand that we may not always agree on everything that we talk about during our “Round Table Discussions”, teaching them the ultimate lesson, we can agree to disagree.
Some of the questions that normally start our “Round Table Discussions” are:
Bible Study:
- What do you think was the meaning or message of this week’s Bible study?
- What would you have done in their place?
Global & Local Events:
- How do you think this event will effect you?
- Do you agree or disagree?
- Would you have made the same choice and take the same actions?
Relationships:
- Were your actions moral, ethical or appropriate?
- How do you think your statements or actions effect the person you are speaking with?
- Did you give yourself enough time to think about it before you responded in such a manor?
- How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of such statements or actions?
There are a great deal of other questions that are asked in our “Round Table Discussions” as a result of these heated debates. These discussions and debates can result in hours of insightful and memorable conversation that your children will definitely reminisce in years to come. The bottom line is that these controlled and mediated discussions are productive educational lessons that bring something to everyone in the family sitting at the discussion table.
Our “Round Table Discussions” help my children go beyond what they have learned in the classroom, the media or through their social network of friends. Many times it helps them understand and make sense of the sometimes conflicting and confusing information that is readily available simply by turning on our televisions. We should encourage our children to question and discuss issues that they may come across in their daily lives without intimidation or the fear of reprisal.
As a father, the knowledge and insight that is gained through these enriching family discussions are priceless. This is our opportunity as parents to infuse family values, while preparing our children to deal with the ever changing world around them.
