Sometimes our ability to reach out to our children with regards to certain personal issues may not always be as successful or effective as we would like. This is not necessarily a reflection of our failure as parents, but rather an indication that we may need to shift gears and look at things from a fresh new prospective. At times, we may not want to open our eyes or admit to our selves that our children have grown, but our young teenage children are maturing at a rapid rate, their hormones are creating chaos within and their bodies are constantly morphing into unknown territories that at times leave them in an introverted state of mind. Let’s not forget to mention those peer pressure years where you hope and prey that your children have picked up enough common sense to avoid the nasty labyrinth of pit falls that await them. I have learned that while most of the issues my children are experiencing could be addressed through one-on-one conversations, simply by sharing commonalities from my childhood experiences, while others unfortunately cannot.
There are four rules I live by…
Be proactively involved in your child’s academics. Stay on top of things and routinely communicate with your child’s teachers and guidance counselors. Depending on your level of comfort, you may want to setup weekly or monthly progress reports. This will definitely help you avoid those quarterly surprises on their report cards.
Activities, activities, activities. I cannot stress the importance of keeping your children engaged in in-school and after school programs. This helps them break away from the day-in and day-out stress of learning and adds some self esteam as they interact with their peers.
Constantly and openly communicate with your children about every subject under the sun. Participate in hobbies and talk about subjects of their interest. The key is to see things from their point of view, which means bringing yourself down to their level (This is not always easy to do, but lets not forget that we were once those teenagers too!).
Continue to instill family values and traditions. As your child is exposed to the many elements of their environment, they must always know that home is a never changing constant, a beacon assisting them while navigating life.
They may all sound pretty simple, but I have learned that we are all created differently, therefore making all of this a bit of a challenge at times. So what can you do when everything you are doing seems to feel right, but you have a sense that there is something that just doesn’t sit right? What other options are there for you and your child? I recall when I was a young teenager that I did not always feel comfortable talking to my parents about every topic under the sun, especially those I was still having problems sorting out for myself. Unfortunately, my parents like many others at the time, viewed therapy as an indication of someone who suffered from mental illness and not as a viable objective avenue to assist in creatively addressing sometimes complex situations.
We, as parents, are so involved with providing for our children that we sometimes need a helping hand from an outsider that could shed some new light on things and help us converge on a mutual meeting ground with our children. Some of us tend to become so involved in a situation that we become very subjective, therefor creating a disconnect and making us ineffective. More importantly, it may not even be an issue of being able to relate with your child, but rather one whereby your child faces certain stumbling blocks that they need to overcome on their own.
Letting our rebellious or seemingly distant teens know that we are still there for them may have a greater impact when delivered by a family member, close friend or an objective third party. The first choice for me is to involve a close relative or family friend, but some situations may be of a sensitive nature, ones that may not be shared beyond the inner sanctum of your relationship with your child, so family and close friends may not always be a good option. It is at this point in time that I have found value in therapy, both for myself and my children. A therapist is seen as neutral grounds where your children are able to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of any retributions. Time with a therapist should be utilized to strengthen your child’s ability to reach down within themselves and put to words feelings they otherwise cannot express or communicate under normal circumstances.
Experience has taught me to use my children’s school as a great source for information. Where else can you find families and educators working together with only one objective, getting your children through the most challenging years of their lives. Educators are accustom to dealing with therapists on a routine basis and have established good working relationships with a wide range of local therapists that are experienced dealing with your children’s issues.
The therapists that have been recommended thus far by my children’s school have worked wonders for my children, most importantly, for my family.
